This is your captain speaking, from the lifeboat

The big topic these days has been the unfortunate shipwreck of the cruise ship Costa Concordia. Of interest is how the ship’s captain, Francesco Schettino, has been trying to wiggle out of liability after jumping aboard a lifeboat with some of his bridge crew and purportedly abandoning his ship. He is suggesting that he and his officers accidentally fell into a lifeboat and could not get back safely to the ship. I think he would do better with the following more plausible story.

"We were cruising near the island of Giglio which is known for its deep shores, when suddenly we were attacked by a group of Somali pirates. I immediately got on my blowhorn and told them they would get it from me if they did not back off and return to Somali. Suddenly they threw these large boulders into the sea. Within seconds my ship struck one of these rocks causing a small dent in the hull. This made me real mad. I saw no need to alarm the passengers by announcing a Mayday. I immediately jumped into a lifeboat and with the help of my second in command, we gave chase, charging at the pirates before they could get closer to the ship. It worked. The pirates took off as we approached them and within minutes they vanished. As I turned around to head back to my ship, I noticed it was listing a bit. From the great vantage point I had at the time in my lifeboat, I gave the command for the passengers to man the lifeboats and abandon ship. It was at that time that the local Coast Guard started to interfere, ordering me to get back onto the Concordia, thereby risking my life and hindering my valiant rescue efforts."

With facts like these, I’ll take on the captain’s case anytime.