The Joys of DIVORCEmate

3. My husband has fooled around with every woman in Scarborough; 4. My husband is a rogue and a knave; 5. My husband is wealthy and I am poor. Following is my financial status: - My income: nil - That bastard’s income: $75,000/yr, most of it cash under the table; - My expenses: Rent -- $300/month. He lives in a fancy Harbourfront condo with that woman. Our 3 kids and I have to live in this dump in Cabbagetown ...

This was all it usually took for the wife to score a good interim order. The late Master McBride would look at this material and say to counsel for the husband, “This woman needs big time help from your client, don’t you think?”

Then Dye and Durham the legal stationers got into the picture and started selling financial statement forms. They were certainly great but you had to use your IBM Selectric typewriter to input all of the data. After your assistant spent two hours doing the entries and the math, the client would look at it and say something like, “It looks OK but item 28 for grooming is $57.50 /month and not $45.00.”

You’d grind your teeth and smile and gently toss the document on your assistant’s desk asking her to make the changes on pages 2, 6 and 7, and recalculate the subtotals and the totals. One of your larger overhead items was liquid whiteout.

You would then ask the client to sign the document and she would say, “Ahem, excuse me but under savings do I have to mention my RRSP?”

You would repeat the previous manoeuvre with your assistant and take cover just as the liquid whiteout came flying in your direction.

Then along came DIVORCEmate. I bought my first edition at a silent auction at a cocktail reception held at 145 Queen Street West (as it then was). Mark Harris, president of DIVORCEmate who was in attendance congratulated me and told me that the price (about $125.00) included him personally coming to my office to install the floppy and give me a training session. (Times have changed.)

The following week Mark arrived and gave me a demo. Then he said, “And after your client reads the document and says something like, ‘Ahem, excuse me but under savings do I have to mention my RRSP?’...

I loved it. The only problem was and still is; I don’t understand or trust computers. Technology freaks me out. I’m a born again Amish. Once I get comfortable with a system or a program, the tech people change it on you. When DIVORCEmate decided a few years ago to stop supporting DOS I went into mourning for seven days.

And DIVORCEmate frequently does this. I dread looking at the newsletters for fear of reading a warning that they will stop supporting whatever I use. I can just see an announcement, “As of June 1st, we are no longer supporting Toshiba laptop, model AF-40. “

Their most recent product is Precedents +, a program that spits out separation agreements. It works great but I can make some suggestions to make it even more user friendly. The program should be geared to the various types of parties involved. If for example you represent a husband who is stingy, there should be a slate of clauses throughout to present to the other side. There would be clauses like:

Hi Wendy: Re: your lovely client Marcia Langley This letter is about love. Henry Langley would love to settle all matters with his good wife Marcia. As he trusts her implicitly, we ask that you name a fair figure for spousal support. Henry is also prepared to be ultra reasonable on the equalization issue carving all assets down the middle. In fact if she wants, he will give her the lion’s share of the assets. As for the children Ricky and Susy, joint custody would be nice but Henry will go by whatever Marcia wants. I look forward to hearing from you.