Date Disclaimer

Some idle drafting to deal with an ageless problem.

DATE DISCLAIMER While you have agreed to meet me socially on the time and in the place stipulated in Schedule 1 annexed hereto (the date), for the purposes of avoiding future misunderstandings,  conflict and unmet expectations, it must be clearly understood and accepted by you that while I will exercise all reasonable efforts to ensure the date is of a divertingly enjoyable nature (to which end I will apply a reasonable effort and chat in a workmanlike,  considerate and urbane manner,  and appear to apparently show interest in your personal life ),  you are taken to accept:

• That I will in no way be liable, either in law or in any other way you may pluck out of the air (including any compensation, payment of a price or penalty you may elect to endeavour to impose on me), for any disappointment, miff, brooding, dummy spit, affront, emotional collapse, damaged psyche, unmet expectations, hissy fit, sulk, failure to deliver or other negative feeling you may have, during and flowing from the date;

• That I cannot, and will not, embark on any guilt trip post date whether or not you feel I deserve it and in this regard the rule of Caveat Dater shall apply;

• That I do not pretend to, and really couldn’t care less about your insecurities, wishes “not to be hurt again” and previous heartbreaks, and that I am at liberty “to take advantage of you” free from all recriminations and subsequent carping, whining or bleating;

• That in the event the date should, during or after, culminate in sexual activity (doing it), you will not thereafter (the morning after) seek to explain doing it or blame me on the basis you were emotionally vulnerable, had too much to drink or didn’t intend “for this to happen”;

• That post doing it, on the morning after, or any time following, you will not claim “I don’t know what came over me …I’m not that sort of girl/bloke!”, when clearly you are, (all blokes are), or engage in any revisionist history of what happened the night before or seek to blame me contrary to the “It Takes Two To Tango” rule of personal relationships;

• That I am under no obligation to “Just Call You Angel in The Morning”;

• That while all care will be taken, I cannot be held responsible for spilling a glass of red on you;

• That in the event that during the date we are confronted by your ex-lover/spouse/stalker, I am under no obligation to stand up for you or protect you, and may, in my absolute discretion, flee the scene by whatever method I deem expedient and not subsequently be called a coward;

• That the fact your life is a shambles isn’t my fault;

• That I don’t dance unless I am really, really drunk.

My signature is affixed hereunder in acceptance of the limitations you have imposed on me and in open acceptance of it as a Take It Or Leave It condition precedent. ……………………………………………