Legal Humour News - March 17, 2008

Hello and welcome to this week's installment of Legal Humour News. Our newsletter contains an eclectic collection of humourous and often bizarre news stories having a slant in the world of the law.

Here is this week's serving of amusing legal stories. Enjoy Marcel's most recent blawg, Grapes, Women and Relativity, about . . . well . . . grapes, women, and relativity.

And please visit our vast Legal Humour Collection. For example you'll read about a lawyer seeking to sue his family for breach of contract to look after a goldfish, when you read Iggy, Piggy, and Ziggy.

And please go out of your way to give us your Comments and/or your Legal Humour Moments. You all have always wanted to contribute to the world of legal humour and here is your opportunity. Worst case scenario -- we’ll sue you.

Odd or Amusing Legal Stories from the Past Week:

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1 - See You In Court!

Libel Verdict For Bad Review Of Pizzeria Overturned
The decision was bound to leave a bad taste in somebody's mouth. In this case it's the owner of Belfast pizzeria whose unprecedented libel verdict has been overturned by a Northern Ireland appeals court. The owner successfully sued a Belfast newspaper over a review that deemed his Goodfellas restaurant smoky, sloppy, and unappetizing. But Northern Ireland Chief Justice Brian Kerr ruled that a Belfast jury erred in law last year when it awarded $50,000 in damages.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/03/10/4960871-ap.html

Accountant Loses 300,000 Pound Grape Lawsuit
An accountant who tried to sue Marks & Spencer after he slipped on a grape and injured himself lost his case and was ordered to pay legal costs. The 55-year-old sued for more than 300,000 pounds over the 2004 incident in which he said a squashed grape from the store got lodged under the sole of his right sandal, causing him to slip and fall and sustain notable personal injuries. The judge ruled against him, determining that while there may have been a grape or some "crushed fruit or similar" on the sole of his sandal, he was not persuaded that it "caused the claimant to slip".
http://uk.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUKL1278552320080312

Macedonian Court Convicts Bear Of Stealing Honey
A Macedonian court convicted a bear of theft and damage for stealing honey from a beekeeper who fought off the attacks with thumping "turbo-folk" music. The court found the bear guilty, and since it had no owner and belonged to a protected species, ordered the state to pay the 140,000 denars ($3,500) damage it caused to the hives.
http://www.reuters.com/article/latestCrisis/idUSL13835831

Conn. Student Sues After Being Awakened
Danbury, Connecticut officials have been notified they are being sued by a student who was awakened in class by a teacher who made a loud noise. Documents filed with the Town Clerk, a prelude to a lawsuit, claim that a sleeping student suffered hearing damage when his teacher woke him up by slamming her hand down on the boy's desk in December.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/odd_sleeping_student_lawsuit

2 - Crime and Punishment

Would-Be Meat Thief Clobbered With A Frozen Ham
A meat thief is no match for an angry Massachusetts restaurant owner swinging a ham. Joe says he heard a noise in his Scola's Place restaurant in Gloucester, Mass., and saw a man trying to get away with his arms full of meat taken from the restaurant freezer. The restaurant owner had a frozen ham in his hand and slammed it into the man's face, making a gash. The stunned thief dropped his loot and ran.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/03/15/5017241-ap.html

Ottawa Cops Hand Out 108 Jaywalking Tickets
Citizens of Ottawa can rest easy - a crackdown on jaywalkers has ended after one day. Officers issued 108 tickets during the blitz aimed at discouraging the routine practice of ignoring No Walk signals. Officers handed out tickets at $75 a pop after conducting a ticket-free education campaign earlier in the week.
http://canadianpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5g8Ht7oLqkvKEQEjiCPGjNT3POHww

3 - Politics, Law, and Governance

Harper Government Polls Canadians About Polls
The Canadian federal government has conducted an opinion survey to find out what Canadians think of, uh, opinion surveys. Release of the polling data comes amid pressure on Ottawa to rein in spending on public opinion research.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/03/14/5009826-cp.html

Florida Senate Passes Droopy Pants Law
The Florida Senate wants public school students to pull up their pants. Lawmakers passed a bill that could mean suspensions for students with droopy britches. It won't become law unless the House of Representatives passes a companion measure.
http://www.reuters.com/article/domesticNews/idUSN1333370820080313

Cemetery Full, Mayor Tells Locals Not To Die
The mayor of a village in southwest France has threatened residents with severe punishment if they die, because there is no room left in the overcrowded cemetery to bury them. In an ordinance posted in the council offices, Mayor Gerard Lalanne told the 260 residents of the village of Sarpourenx that "all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from dying in the parish."
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/election_cemetery_dc

'Danny Boy' Banned In New York pub
It's depressing. It's not usually sung in Ireland for St. Patrick's Day. And its lyrics were written by an Englishman who never set foot on Irish soil. Those are just some of the reasons a Manhattan pub has given for banning the song "Danny Boy" for the entire month of March.
http://canadianpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5jhczD8csav35CDOlngamTJTCAl-g

No Voters Show Up For Referendum
Call it democracy inaction. That's right. One word: inaction. Just ask authorities in Tamarac, Fla., after no voters showed up to cast a ballot in an annexation referendum for an unincorporated community in Broward County.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/03/13/4993041-ap.html

School Rethinks 8th-Grader's Suspension Over Skittles
An eighth-grade honours student in Connecticut who was suspended for a day, barred from attending an honours dinner, and stripped of his title as class vice president after he was caught with contraband candy in school will get his student council post back.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/03/12/4981441-ap.html

Jack Kevorkian To Run For Congress In Michigan
Assisted suicide advocate Jack Kevorkian is planning to run for Congress in Michigan. Kevorkian is on parole since being released from prison last year. needs a minimum of 3,000 signatures on nominating petitions to appear as an independent on the November ballot.
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,337049,00.html

N.S. Funding Needle-Retentive Research For Xmas Trees
The Nova Scotia government is providing some funding to help researchers produce Christmas trees that hang on to their needles. The Department of Natural Resources has given $250,000 to the Christmas Tree Council of Nova Scotia to research needle retention.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Science/2008/03/10/4961876-cp.html

Minn. Bars Thwart Smoking Ban By Dubbing Patrons Actors
All the world's a stage at some of Minnesota's bars. A new state ban on smoking in restaurants and other nightspots contains an exception for performers in theatrical productions. So some bars are getting around the ban by printing up playbills, encouraging customers to come in costume, and pronouncing them "actors."
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/03/06/4932161-ap.html

Italian Candidate: Marry A Millionaire To Solve Money Issues
Can't make ends meet? A senior Italian politician says the answer is for you to marry a millionaire. The advice was given by billionaire media mogul and conservative leader Silvio Berlusconi, the front-runner for his former post in elections April 13-14.
http://canadianpress.google.com/article/ALeqM5ieJA1gQSL9ntIyBHj3gPAIXOmHaw

4 - And Now for Something Completely Different

8-year-Old Passes Law School Entrance Test
An eight-year-old boy with dreams of becoming a judge has passed a law school entrance exam, shocking Brazil's legal profession and prompting a federal investigation.
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2008/03/06/4932956-ap.html

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