Legal Humour Blog


March 2013

Heads of and Heads off

Mar 18, 2013 8:56 PM
Marcel Strigberger

Habemus papum. More about the new Pope later.

Speaking of careers, Saudi Arabia is considering switching its public executions from beheading to death by firing squad as it is running short of swordsmen. Salaries in those parts are generally high and if any of you are looking for a career change, maybe you can send their Minister of Justice your resume. For more info check out their ad on Craigslist.

And speaking of advertisements, the house of organized crime boss Vito Rizzuto in Montreal is up for sale and after over a year on the market, an anonymous purchaser has put in a conditional offer. The house is on a street in the north end, dubbed “Mafia Row” due to the fact that a number of bosses live there. Nicolo Rizzuto Sr. in fact was gunned down in front of his house last year.

As a lawyer, were I to do real estate, I would be reluctant to act for the purchaser. I’d be afraid to ruffle the wrong feathers. My requisition letter would likely read something like:

“7. Instrument number DG 35984 is a mortgage registered in favour of Scotiabank.

REQUIRED: Discharge of said mortgage on or before closing. If you do not discharge it, it’s OK. Just kidding.”

Let me now come back to the Pope. I noticed that Francis I came out onto the balcony all dressed in his new white robes and skullcap minutes after being chosen. My question is, how could they have a uniform all made up before even knowing who would be elected. I would hate to think they had a few different size outfits on the rack.

“Hey Izzy, get me a medium”.

I’ll be thinking more about that one.

I practice personal injury and family law while I am not pondering about Popes, executioners and crime bosses.  Please visit me at www.striglaw.com .

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Guns and Schmaltz Herring

Mar 10, 2013 9:29 PM
Marcel Strigberger

Firstly, here is the school kid suspension of the week report.

Yet another schoolchild, this time in Baltimore, Maryland, was suspended for simulating the use of a pretend weapon. A 7 year old boy was canned for chewing a berry pastry into the shape of a gun and pointing it and saying, “bang, bang.” This is yet another episode of school officials gone wild.

Litigation may however be brewing as I hear the National Rifle Association is seeking intervenor status. The incident has also angered the Maryland Institute of Pastry Chefs (MIPC). The pastry chefs are criticizing the school claiming it violated the boy’s constitutional rights to bear a danish.

Where will it all end?

Turning next to Quebec’s language protection enforcers, I experienced a thrill this week seeing that they screwed up on a product. These guys are supposed to protect the French language in Quebec by ensuring that all products have prominent distinctive labeling in French, with the English version to be printed in a maximum pitch 2 font.

I bought a jar of schmaltz herring originating from Montreal, from the National Herring Company. The label in English reads, “Schmaltz Herring”. Interestingly the French version reads, “Hareng de Schmaltz.”

What were those obsessive, French first, Javertian, inspectors thinking about when they read that label? They sure blew that one. It’s not exactly as if you’ll open the Dictionaire Larousse and under the letter “S”, bingo, you’ll see the word “schmaltz”.

This is a big victory for les Anglais, and the ethnics. Eat your heart out, Jacques Parizeau.

Knowing that at times people do not see eye to eye or watch where they are going , I practice family  and personal injury law.  Please visit my website, www.striglaw.com . The coffee is great and our pastries are non threatening.

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Neigh and Nay

Mar 3, 2013 2:48 PM
Marcel Strigberger

Looks like IKEA is famous not only for monkeys, but also for horses. They have recalled their frozen meatballs from stores all over Europe as some of the meatballs contained horse meat. The situation could have gone on unnoticed but for a disgruntled employee at an IKEA outlet in Ireland who pasted various labels on the frozen meatball packages reading either “win”, “place” or “show”. Of most concern were the packages labeled, “scratched”

Of course it did not help IKEA to actually categorize the meatballs as either lean, medium or Secretariat.

I myself visited an IKEA in Toronto last week and I must say, I got concerned about their food products there. I immediately bolted from the store after my wife picked up some steaks and the sales clerk told me to hurry up as there was only 60 seconds to post time. When I have steak, I like it with potatoes and salad, not 3 to 1 odds. He did however play a fine bugle.

While we are on the subject of food, in Montreal an overzealous language watchdog enforcer reprimanded the owner of a famous Italian restaurant, Buonanotte, for allowing the word “pasta” rather than the French equivalent, to appear on his menu, . Using derogatory words like “pasta” to describe pasta, is a no no; or should I say a “non non”.

What should he have called it? Poutine?

I can just see these language inspectors visiting an IKEA. Regardless of the food in question, if the language fits, they acquits:

“Hey, the label reads ‘cheval’. No problem. Pass.”

This incident has gone viral and has become known as “pastagate”.

These inspectors have the obsessiveness of Javert. They have succeeded in turning the restaurant owner into a martyr, like Jean Valjean.

In Quebec, beware. If you open an Italian restaurant and dare call your menu dishes, “rigatoni”, “fusilli” or “ravioli” be prepared to have these guys chase you through Montreal’s sewers.

When I am not  engaged in culinary commentary, I practice family and personal injury law.  Please visit my website,  www.striglaw.com.

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February 2013

The Good, The Mad and The Angry

Feb 9, 2013 11:40 PM
Marcel Strigberger

Here we go again. Alex Evans, a 7 year old student at a school in Loveland, Colorado got suspended for playing a game at recess called “saving the world”. He pretended to throw an imaginary grenade into an imaginary box which he said had evil forces in it. This was enough for those anals in the education system to pounce on him and suspend him. I guess they take the position that being a soldier is good but pretending to be one is offensive.

I think to avoid future problems, parents should tell their kids in dealing with evil demons, to be total pacifists, to be like Ghandi:

“Hey evil demons. Come out come out wherever you are. If you do not come out in 5 minutes with your hands up, I shall start a hunger strike. “

Speaking of road rage, a lady in Barrie got charged with uttering threats, mischief and dangerous driving while ordering at a Tim Horton’s drive-thru. No, it was not a Timbit fight. While in line, she started cleaning her windshield. When a customer behind her suggested she was holding up the line, she got into her car and reversed into his car. Bang! She then asked if he wanted some more. Of course, she gave him an encore.

This concerns me. She is 54 years old. Is this the first time she has acted in this way? Or has she been getting away with it for years? I’ll bet their were tell tale signs of anger problems when she was a kid. Maybe she stopped to clean her glasses while in a moving line with other students heading to a classroom, and some kid Gerald suggested she was holding up the line.

If we were to investigate further, I’ll bet she turned around and grabbed Gerald’s spectacles and broke them in two. No doubt when her teacher intervened she shouted at her, “Do you want some too, Sister Bendicta?”

Doesn’t this make you feel sorrier for Alex Evans.

When I do not  comment on the world's problems, I practice personal injury and and family/ divorce law.  Please visit my website, www.striglaw.com.  Cool heads always prevail.

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Mayors, Munchies and Monkeys

Feb 3, 2013 10:03 PM
Marcel Strigberger

Lawyers are finding novel cases these days to keep the courts busy.

Those who are still hunting for Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s head are not satisfied with the Divisional Court decision to allow His Worship to keep his job. They are talking seeking leave to appeal to the Supreme Court of Canada. I have heard of wrongful dismissal but these guys are arguing wrongful retention.

I always thought the SCC will only grant leave on issues of public importance. This case is hardly on the same footing with cases involving plaintiffs injured in Cuba wanting to sue in Ontario, or arrested persons being denied their right to counsel or common law partners trying to get some support after a 25 year relationship, in Quebec. Then again I suppose the potential appellants will try to convince the SCC that it is of public importance for the citizens of this country to witness a public execution. If they succeed, are they going to make Ford walk through the 12 stations at the Eatons Centre? Good luck.

Then there is that class action suit in process, in the U.S. involving the victims of Subways "footlong" customers whose sandwiches have turned out to be only 11 inches long. I can just see the spin off business for psychiatrists who will be certifying the plaintiffs as having come down with a post traumatic stress disorder. “Doctor, since I discovered my footlong was only 11 inches, I have a panic attack whenever I look at coldcuts"

Then of course, we have Darwin, the pet monkey who escaped from his owner’s car and walked into a Toronto IKEA. A judge the other day dismissed the owner’s motion for “interim possession”, and left it for the trial judge to decide Darwin’s future home. The good news is that a sanctuary spokesman where Darwin is staying says, “Darwin is thriving”.

Who says all the news out there is bad.

They certainly never thought me to be this creative in law school.

I conduct a family and personal injury law practice. Please visit us at www.striglaw.com.  I must admit in 38 years of practice I have never sued a mayor, lead a class action or fought to save a monkey. 

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The Midwest Book Review has referred to Marcel Strigberger as "an irrepressible humorist with a story teller’s flair for spinning a yarn with true (and hysterically funny) insights into the basics of human nature".

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