In Long Island N.Y. a Franklin Youngblood is suing a nursing home for one million dollars. It seems the home regularly hired male strippers to amuse the female residents. When Franklin saw a picture of his 85-year-old mother, Bernice, stuffing dollar bills into a dancer’s briefs, he went ballistic, and decided to sue alleging his mom had been violated.
I am not so sure about this one. In an interview, when a reporter asked Bernice what she might do with the money should she get compensation out of this lawsuit, she said, “ Don’t know yet. But I want them to pay me in singles.”
And in Vernon Township, New Jersey, we saw another instance of schools gone mad. Ethan Chaplin, a grade 7 student, was twirling his pencil in class. A classmate did not like it so he told his teacher the twirling looked like a gun motion and it made him “uncomfortable”.
Suddenly all hell broke loose. Ethan was forced to give a blood and urine sample, undergo psychological testing and was of courses suspended. A school superintendent justified the action claiming that where a student is made to feel uncomfortable, it must launch an investigation.
What the school is saying in effect is that a pencil is tantamount to a firearm. They have to go into 911 mode if some kid says, “I’m uncomfortable. Ethan is playing with a loaded pencil. It has lead in it.”
What happened to the days where a teacher would say to the offender, “Hey Jimmy, could you please put down your pencil.” Instead the whole world has to learn about the brains behind the Vernon Township school board.
It will not be too long before we hear of some other student getting suspended because some kid felt uncomfortable after Jimmy lunched on too many beans.
We have to laugh in the legal profession. Frequently. Please visit my practice website, www.striglaw.com .
The world is getting crazier and crazier. A Michael Kass of Brooklyn, New York paid $12.00 to see a movie at the local Park Slopes Pavilion Theater. The theatre has a no outside food policy. Michael is a type 2 diabetic who cannot eat the theatre’s snacks and so he brought along a small container of strawberries. This did not sit well with the manager who told him to dump the contraband.
Michael then offered to leave, asking for a refund of his $12.00. The manager in his wisdom refused and so Michael Kass entered the theatre to watch the movie he had paid for.
Ten minutes later two police officers arrived and escorted Michael Kass out of the theatre, like some criminal. I am wondering about some of the back/untold story in this matter.
The manager probably called 911.:
“Yes sir, what is your emergency?”
“There’s a guy in here with a Tupperware full of strawberries”
“Say no more sir. Code Red. Is he armed otherwise?”
“Don’t know; it’s dark in the theatre”
“No problem. Sounds like a 607. “We’re sending over help. Clear out the theatre. And do not come near him. He’s likely dangerous”
(Aside- “Units 42 and 48, please go to the Park Slopes Pavilion Theater immediately. Forget about that bank robbery in Flatbush”).
Five minutes later the police surround the theatre. A plainclothes officer approaches the theatre wearing a bullet proof vest, latex gloves and a bib. He shouts through a blowhorn:
“Hey you with the strawberries. Come out with your hands up high. And if you have any strawberries in your mouth, spit them out immediately. And if you have any cream, leave it on your seat; or we’ll fire the tear gas”. (Aside- “Men, we’re going in. Put on your aprons).
Michael Kass surrenders with no resistence. The theatre however is put on look-down for 2 hours as the canine squad searches the palace. Police have reason to suspect there is another culprit hiding there, with a banana.
The good news is that after Michael Kass put this story on Facebook, the whole world knew about the incident and the theatre owner apologized, offering to refund his 12 bucks, look into installing a wellness cafe in the theatre and inviting Michael to come and see the movie...with his strawberries of course.
Please also visit my practice site, www.striglaw.com . In addition to personal injury and family law, I now also provide mediation services. I am sure I could have readily resolved that theatre fiasco.
I envy and admire Dalen Kuchmey. Who is Dalen Kuchmey? Glad you asked. He is the former goalie for the O.H.L. Windsor Spitfires. A few days ago by about halfway through a playoff game, Dalen had let in 8 goals. His team was down 8-1. Delan suddenly left the ice, changed and drove home. Full stop. He apparently was not happy that the coach had not pulled him out of the game earlier.
Lawyers cannot get off a case that easily.
As we all know, once a lawyer gets on record with the court, we need either a new lawyer or the client to file a notice of change of representation or we have to apply for a court order to allow us to say goodbye to the case. The latter can sometimes be difficult, even when dealing with a client from hell. You have to file an affidavit showing that the lawyer and the client are not getting along 100%. The lawyer’s affidavit might say:
“4. I asked Mr Wiggly for further instructions and he emailed me saying, “Here are my instructions. You are an incompetent, idiotic, lying shyster. I hate you.
5. The following day Mr Wiggly he came to my office and slashed the tires of my new Lexus.
6. This was followed by his sending a courier over to my office, delivering two dead fish wrapped in a newspaper, with a note reading, ‘further instructions you dumb ass’..”
Even this may not be enough to convince a judge to let the lawyer off the record.
As I said, I envy and admire Dalen Kuchmey.
However, maybe I can stop practicing law soon. I just received a letter from some law firm in Portugal advising that they represent the estate of a George Mark Strigberger who perished in a car accident a while back and who apparently left no known next of kin. My namesake’s estate is valued at over 20 million Euros. After doing a careful search, the lawyers tracked me down, suggesting that I must be related to this guy and they are prepared to send me a cheque. They just need to verify some basic information, like my social insurance number, bank account details and pin numbers so they can facilitate the deposit. The letter says, "There is not one atom of risk on your part".
I am pondering about this offer. Or rather about what is more likely; the chances of this offer being being legitimate or the chances of Dalen Kuchmey returning to the Spitfires nets.
Until I get those 20 million Euros, if you have any family law or civil litigation/personal/injury insurance matters, you can still visit me at www.striglaw.com .
The foreign minister of Russia announced the other day that the legal papers necessary to annex the Crimea should be completed by the end of this week. This is really incredibly efficient given the novelty of the task. I might just consider hiring this guy as a junior in my office. I can’t get a simple separation agreement done by the end of this week. And it’s not as if you’ll find a sample document, to annex the Crimea in textbooks, like O’brien’s Legal Precedents . I checked.
And what kind of legal papers is he talking about in any event? This is like drafting legal documents okaying the wolf in Little Red Riding Hood devouring Granny.
Meanwhile in Laval, Quebec, the City wanted to build an arena. The cost now will go up by an extra 50 million dollars as the architects forgot to include in their plans the parking lot.
That is an oops I’d say. Who was the architect in chief? Rob Ford?
This past week also saw The Supreme Court of Canada reject the nomination of P.M. Harper of Marc Nadon to the S.C.C. What bothers me is the futility of this case. It tied up 7 justices for several months while other cases waited in the queue. And it resulted in a 48 page decision talking about the meaning of the word, “among”.
As a practicing lawyer, we often look to decisions of the highest court in the land to find answers on pressing legal issues, like admissibility of confessions, the rights of unmarried parties to share in one another’s property or the right of a person under arrest to legal counsel without delay.
How is this case going to be practical? Although I am an optimist, somehow I do not see a potential client calling me in the near future and saying, “Hey, guess what. The Prime Minister wants to appoint me to the Supreme Court of Canada but a couple of members of the public are objecting...something about me not being “among”. Can I see you? I’m free Tuesday afternoon.”
There is a greater chance of Russia returning the Crimea.
Please visit my office website, www.striglaw.com . I practice primarily personal injury/insurance and family law. But should you get nominated to the Supreme Court of Canada and you experience interference, I'll be happy to hear about it.
This week did not pass without Justin Bieber’s ongoing legal problems being paraded in the media. A trial date for the singer’s assault charge regarding his limo chauffeur was set at Toronto’s Old City Hall Court. Of note was the lawyer Bieber retained to represent him, namely prominent criminal counsel, Brian Greenspan. Of further note is that Brian Greenspan himself attended the set date hearing. This is incredible.
The simplest and usual way of setting a trial date is for the accused to attend with a letter from the lawyer suggesting trial dates. If the accused cannot attend, then usually a student or at most a junior will attend and advise the court of suitable trial dates. Using Brian Greenspan to attend court to set a trial date is like using a forklift truck to pick up a pillow.
What will his legal tab be for this case? I do not for one moment minimize Brian’s proficiency. I can only imagine that a simple assault trial which might generally last a half a day will likely last days. I can just see the daily media reports:
The Justin Bieber trial started today. Defence counsel Brian Greenspan argued that the case should be tossed by reason of Section 2 of the Charter. The presiding judge dismissed the argument, saying that though compelling, the fundamental freedom of expression does not include the right to beat up a chauffeur.
The Crown completed its case today after a full day cross examination by Mr Greenspan, wherein he suggested to the limo driver that he was a former senior member of the Ku Klux Klan, wanted for arson in Mississippi. The driver denied the allegations, admitting however that he nearly caused a fire once while he tried to ignite a gas barbecue at Bruce’s Mill Conservation Area.
The defence called a surprise expert witness, one Professor Doctor Manfred Zemmel, of the University of Dusseldorf. Dr Zemmel is a professor of psychiatry, specializing in the neurosis of limousine drivers complaining of being assaulted. Professor Zemmel told a packed courtroom that he had studied hundreds of chauffeurs and most have a condition called, paranoia neurotica cantoria, whereby they have this inexplicable need to claim that they have been beaten up by a singer.
After the court session, Justin Bieber offered to give the professor a ride back to his hotel in his limo but the professor declined, choosing instead to take the Bay Street bus. Justin Bieber asked, What’s a bus?
After a lengthy trial, the judge acquitted Mr Bieber, finding a reasonable doubt. His lawyer Brian Greenspan told reporters this verdict was no surprise to him. When asked what his next high profile case would be, he replied that he had just been retained by Professor Zemmel who was charged with assaulting a TTC bus driver.
Please visit www.striglaw.com . I practice family and personal injury law. I no longer practice criminal law; nor do I listen to Justin Bieber.
The Midwest Book Review has referred to Marcel Strigberger as "an irrepressible humorist with a story teller’s flair for spinning a yarn with true (and hysterically funny) insights into the basics of human nature".
Midwest Book Review
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