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Legal Humour Blog

 

June 2013

Mailmen, Monkeys and Muddle-heads

Jun 16, 2013 2:29 PM
Marcel Strigberger

      This past week, Jiroemon Kimura, the world’s oldest person, died in Japan, at age 116. He attributed his longevity to eating light and healthy meals and to laughter.

      Kimura spent most of his life working for the post office. I can now understand the laughter part. Most likely he had numerous hardy laughs every day figuring out how he could misdeliver the mail. If a letter was addressed to a street in Tokyo, he would have a belly laugh changing the name of the city to “Toronto”.

      And if he would hear a customer complain why it took 34 days to get a letter from a sender 3 blocks away, he would not be able to contain himself, busting a gut rolling in the recipient’s driveway.

      I have yet to see a lawyer making the oldest person list. Who ever said going postal wasn’t fun?

      And speaking of waiting for news, the eyes of the world are riveted on Oshawa as we all await judgment in the case of the year. This case has attracted more attention than the O.J. Simpson trial. The number one question globally is, “What will happen with Darwin?

      The trial judge has reserved her decision on who gets the monkey. Owner Yasmin Nakhuda says Darwin is her domesticated pet, almost a child to her. The Respondent animal sanctuary claims Darwin is a wild animal and once he left her car and wandered onto the IKEA parking lot, Nakhuda lost possession and he was no longer hers.

      Actually I think her lawyer Ted Charney should have enlisted the help of IKEA. IKEA could have claimed possession of the primate, confirming that Darwin actually came to IKEA to purchase a new coffee table. IKEA then could have assigned its right of action to the Applicant, upon Mr Charney’s undertaking to purchase the said coffee table. How’s that for a win win deal?

      Speaking of justice, the Quebec Soccer Federation has now reversed its ban on Sikh players from wearing their turbans. The QSF cited “safety” reasons for originally imposing the ban. Right. When is the last time you ever heard of someone getting crushed by a runaway turban?

      Unfortunately the Quebec government throughout, supported the QSF’s ban. La Belle Province should now focus on its real sport problem, ie. the need to once again have a National Hockey League team in Montreal... that plays hockey.

Please also visit  www.striglaw.com.  I practice personal injury/insurance and family law.  Laugther in the office is highly encouraged.

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No Nude Gargoyles Please, We're Arizonian.

Jun 9, 2013 6:21 PM
Marcel Strigberger

        Ever hear of Paulden, Arizona? You will now. This is a small town that does not like gargoyles. At least it does not like artist David Smith's nude 9 foot tall male gargoyle and it is threatening to fine the artist if he does not remove it. Operative word is "it".

        I watched the story on CNN and not surprisingly, they do not say specifically what the problem is nor, perish the thought, do they show the gargoyle from below the waist. The CNN female commentator only says that the offensive part is proportional to a 9 foot tall male. My first question is, how does she know what that unmentionable part on a 9 foot male looks like? I'm very tempted to check out her Facebook page.

        A local Arizona county official was interviewed about the naughty gargoyle and as expected, he said something like, "Hey, children might see it". I guess children must not see these things, especially on 9 foot tall males.

        Interestingly, Arizona has some hot history. We are talking about a state which in the 1870s had towns like Tombstone, which was the most dangerous town in the wild west. This is the place which had that most infamous gunfight at the OK Corral, with Wyatt Earp and brothers doing clean up, sending members of the Clanton gang to Boot Hill. And in addition to harbouring more saloons and gaming parlours in them parts than most towns, Tombstone boasted the largest red light district.

        Arizona is also the state that bought London Bridge, where it was relocated from the Thames, to Lake Havasu City, Az.. London Bridge is Arizona's second major attraction, next to the Grand Canyon. This is a bridge which from the 1300s to 1500s was often decorated by the authorities with rows of pikes holding the heads of executed prisoners. But the song today for the children is not London Bridge is Falling Down but no doubt, No Nude Gargoyles Please, We're Arizonian.

        I have an idea. Just like London Bridge was relocated, I think David Smith should consider relocating his work of art. He would have no problem displaying the gargoyle in Toronto. I believe we are much more comfortable here with what children might see than the Americans are. I think the statue would fit perfectly in the Toronto harbour. It could welcome incoming ships, sort of like the ancient Colossus of Rhodes. It would certainly attract tourists, in my view being at least as exciting as Copenhagen's Little Mermaid. That's as far as I'll go in that direction.

        Perhaps Mayor Rob Ford can extend an invitation to David Smith to bring it here. After all, His Worship has not done anything controversial yet this week.

       I practice family and personal injury and insurance law out of a heritage house in Thornhill, just north of Toronto. (www.striglaw.com)  The place is quaint but there are no gargoyles greeting visitors.

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Mein Kettle, Popping Pop-Tarts and Good Cop, Good Cop

Jun 2, 2013 9:13 PM
Marcel Strigberger

     J.C. Penney is advertising on billboards in California a kettle it has designed. The trouble is people have noticed that it looks like Adolph Hitler. J.C. Penney has vehemently denied that the kettle does resemble Hitler and in the alternative, the department store chain argues that any resemblance is totally coincidental. In the further alternative it claims it was only following orders.

     Check out the kettle on this link. What do you think?

     http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2013/05/29/20857201.html

     Meanwhile in Maryland the story of that 8 year old kid who got suspended from school for nibbling a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun, is in the news again. A state legislator bought little Josh Welch a junior membership in the National Rifle Association.

     Josh’s lawyer Robin Ficker thinks that is a great idea. He also is arguing in his appeal of the suspension that the states of Idaho and Florida also look like guns, resembling pistols more than Josh’s Pop- Tarts. I have now looked at those maps and I totally agree with Mr Ficker. In order to be consistent, all schools in Idaho and Florida should suspend themselves.

     And here’s a good news story, right in downtown Toronto. Fourteen year veteran Constable Mark Borsboom was caught on camera helping an elderly gentleman with a breathing apparatus and cane, tie his shoe laces. This film has gone viral. The incident has drawn widespread praise for the officer. It certainly makes me feel good.

     However I fear that other officers for selfish reasons may now wish to emulate P.C. Borsboom’s kind act. I am concerned that I might be walking down Queen Street one evening when a passing police car comes to a screeching stop and two burly officers jump out and insist they tie my shoelaces. For the next while when I go downtown I’ll be wearing loafers.

    I practice personal injury and family law.  At my office, we serve great tea.  And our kettle is not ambitious at all. Please visit www.striglaw.com.


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May 2013


Too Pretty and Too Crazy

May 26, 2013 9:01 PM
Marcel Strigberger

Laura Fernee, age 33 of London England, has a big problem. She claims she is too pretty to work. The PhD in science lady recently quit her latest medical research job as she says that men at work were constantly buying her gifts and asking her out, even when she was wearing scrubs and no make up.

I wonder if being too pretty is a good defense if an employer dismisses her for loafing on the job. I can see her statement of claim:

”7. The defendant was paying the plaintiff $60,000/annum but, notwithstanding that the plaintiff was too pretty to work, the defendant insisted that she actually perform her job tasks, thereby causing her mental distress. His conduct should attract punitive damages as it was wanton, cruel and egregious.”

Her parents by the way will now help fund her $3000.00/month designer clothing needs.

For lunacy on this side of the pond, we go to Austin Texas where the state just passed Bill 308, a.k.a. “The Merry Christmas Act”. This is to remedy the barrage of complaints from the politically correct wisemen some of who in have in fact sued schools and teachers for wishing their students, “Merry Christmas”, or setting up a Christmas tree. Organizations will now be able to utter that greeting, or “Happy Chanukah” for that matter, without fear of legal repercussion. Note, I have said wisemen. And I feel good about it.  Anyone have a problem with that?

In passing I do wonder how one would assesses damages in an action against people who were politically incorrect and who dared to set up some decorations. I would love to see lawyers in Texas discuss damage assessment on a chatline, on one of these actions:

“Damage assessment- El Paso Middle High School set up nativity scene complete with baby Jesus in the manger. What is that worth?”

Will lawyers ever have a shortage of work?

I practice personal injury and family law. Please visit my website, www.striglaw.com . Holiday greetings from me guaranteed.

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Summary, Soda and Saskatoon

May 13, 2013 9:54 PM
Marcel Strigberger

The chutzpah award of the month has to go to Carnival Cruises for moving for summary judgment in a court in Miami, against actions launched by passengers as a result of the fiasco they suffered recently on the not too good ship Triumph. You might recall due to engine problems the ship had to be towed for several days to Mobile Alabama, during which the passengers had to live without proper facilities. If there is a Rule in Florida similar to our Rule 20, just what is Carnival saying in their factum:

“The plaintiffs allegedly went about 5 days without hot food, air conditioning or toilet facilities, having to do their stuff in plastic bags. It is respectfully submitted that the plaintiffs are being overly fussy, finicky and punctilious. What did they expect? The Love Boat? It is respectfully submitted therefore that there is no genuine issue to go to trial.”

I hear they are however offering generous future cruise deals to the disgruntled passengers on their most luxurious ships. For only $100.00 you get a 10 day Caribbean cruise, flight included. All you have to do is spend 3 hours/day manning the oars.

Meanwhile Police in Saskatooon were doing a safety blitz. One officer ticketed Steven Simonar for not wearing a seatbelt. Simonar however drives a special vehicle as he has no hands. Although the police have discretion the ticketing cop would not exercise it saying, "'I treat everybody the same, and you people expect things different.”

The media tried to contact the officer but it seems he was busy on his computer on Ebay. Latest report is that no one yet has bought his mother.

If all of these stories are disturbing you, there is good news. Have a drink. There is a soft drink company called Jones Soda, that has just come up with a new flavour: poutine. As you may know, poutine is a Quebec delicacy consisting of French fries, smothered in a rich gravy and soaked in fatty melted cheese curds. Thanx to Jones Soda you will now be able to drink this treat.

Imagine drinking poutine. I didn't know assisted suicides were legal in Quebec. Who owns that Jones Soda? Dr Jack Kevorkian?

I practice personal injury and family law . Please visit www.striglaw.com. We promise not to serve poutine.

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The Midwest Book Review has referred to Marcel Strigberger as "an irrepressible humorist with a story teller’s flair for spinning a yarn with true (and hysterically funny) insights into the basics of human nature".

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