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Legal Humour Blog

 

March 2014

Lookalike Zero Tolerance

Mar 9, 2014 1:24 PM
Marcel Strigberger

    In Columbus, Ohio a school suspended a 10 year old for pointing his fingers like a gun.  The school noted that the kid turned his fingers into a “level 2 lookalike firearm”.

    I actually agree with the school.  Zero tolerance violence means just that.  Ignorance of the rules is no excuse.

    Any duffer by now should know that extending your forefinger and folding in your next three fingers turns your hand into a lookalike lethal weapon.  With a gesture like this one, the kid could easily hold up a level 2 lookalike bank.

    To date, we have seen similar instances of schools religiously pursuing efforts to eradicate violence.  One school in Alabama suspended a kid for pointing a chicken finger in class and saying “bang bang”.  Actually, it is a known fact that a chicken finger in the wrong hands can be lethal.  Israel in fact is reputedly planning to bomb a secretly located KFC plant in Iran.

    And right here in Toronto one school does not allow the students to refer to the term “bullets” when describing the form of listing of lines of short phrases. The children must call them “cupcakes”.

    I sure hope none of these kids ever decide to become police officers.  What will they carry on their belts should they need defend themselves in a shoot out? A lunchbox?

    It is comforting to know that these schools play such an important role in preventing violence.  

    Question: How successful these days are schools in controlling bullying...the non lookalike version?

 

Please visit my family law and personal injury practice site www.striglaw.com . I provide non lookalike service.

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Pizza Pizza....and More Pizza

Mar 2, 2014 10:08 PM
Marcel Strigberger

    Pizza stories are making the news this week.

    Think you've heard everything?  In England some guy complained to Domino's that their pizza burnt his penis. He twittered saying this injury happened while he tried to have sex with the pie.  The funny thing is Domino's actually apologized for the misfortune.  The victim then responded saying Domino's should have posted a warning saying that having sex with a pizza can be dangerous

    Even funnier is Domino's cool response that they would look into the matter further to see what they could do to prevent the problem from happening again.

    I generally order from Mamas  Pizza but I am tempted now to order my next medium veggy from Domino's just to see if it will post some type of warning:

                    CAUTION- Pizza is very hot. Please wait 15 minutes for it to cool down before engaging it in sexual activity .

    Meanwhile in Fergus Falls, Minnesota some dude prank ordered 20 pizzas from Domino's, asking that they be delivered to his ex-girlfriend.  The tab was about $300 and police are charging him with theft.  He should have sent them to that guy in England.  For this guy twenty pizzas would have constituted a brothel.

    Next pizza event is in Kermit, West Virginia.  The district manager of a Pizza Hut got fired for peeing into the kitchen sink.  I actually patronize Pizza Hut occasionally.  If I do have problems in the future, I'll think twice about asking to speak to the manager. Or about asking where the washroom is. I don't want to know.

    For that matter I think from now on I'm switching to sushi.

    Please visit my personal injury and family law practice site, www.striglaw.com .  If I do not deliver an answer to my client's queries within 30 minutes, it's free.

 

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February 2014


Law Firm Down

Feb 9, 2014 12:26 PM
Marcel Strigberger

The big legal news this week is the disintegration of mega law firm, Heenan Blaikie.  Dozens of their partners jumped ship and now the good ship has sunk.

This should make us smaller firms feel somewhat grateful for our lot.  I did a check on my firm’s status and found out that not a single partner has bolted.  This week I have as many partners as I had last week.  Nor have any of them threatened to leave if I do not give them a raise.

I also did a comparison check between Heenan Blaikie and Marcel Strigberger- Lawyer/Avocat to see how we matched up.  We have a fair bit in common:

 

 

            Heenan Blaikie                                                          Marcel Strigberger

 

            In business 40 years                                                      In business 40 years (come March)

 

            Had offices in Toronto, Ottawa and Montreal                I grew up in Montreal

 

            Extended business overseas, opening                         I once had a delicious chocolate

            branch in Paris in 2011                                                croissant at a café on the Left

                                                                                               Bank

 

            Alumni partners included former Quebec                      Alumni partners include

            Premier Pierre-Marc Johnson and former                      Marcel Strigberger

            Prime Ministers Pierre Trudeau and                            - I once voted for Pierre Trudeau.

            Jean Chrétien

I do feel for my colleagues and wish them all the best in the future. Times are tough for law firms. This has been a learning experience. For now I am holding off opening my new offices in London, New York and Sydney. You just never know.

I would add that as a gesture of good faith, I am prepared to take in any Heenan Blaikie lawyer refugees.  I am standing by my phone and watching my email. Please contact the office manager, Marcel Strigberger.  So far no one from Heenan Blaikie has approached me seeking a job.

 

Please also visit my practice site  www.striglaw.com for more info about my personal injury/insurance and family law practice. You never know whom you might meet in the waiting area.

 

 

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Bovines and Bieber

Feb 2, 2014 6:21 PM
Marcel Strigberger

    In Rasdorf, Germany, there was an explosion in a barn. The explosion resulted from methane gas released by 90 flatulent cows. A couple of the cows were injured. I understand the insurance company will be denying liability on the following basis.

    Firstly this was not an accident.  The cows deliberately created the gas.

    Secondly the insurer is alleging arson, saying the explosion was intentionally started by the farmer’s bull Dieter, who was jilted by one of the cows and who was seen that evening at a nearby convenience store purchasing a cigarette lighter.

    Thirdly the insurer is denying coverage to the cows for their injuries claiming they should be applying for Workers’ Compensation benefits. The insurance company insists they were employed by the farmer who was a Schedule 1 employer, and therefore any action against their boss is statute barred.  It will be interesting to see how this plays out.

    Meanwhile, Justin Bieber is getting into the legal news these days, in spades. Police recently investigated an incident wherein he allegedly threw eggs at neighbour’s house in California.  Authorities in Florida have charged him with driving under the influence and he just this past week attended court in Toronto to face assault charges. As well customs officials in New Jersey detained his private jet for hours looking for illegal drugs. Finally there is a petition circulating in the U.S. to have him deported back to his native Canada.

    Given the status of the celebrity as well as the volume of legal business he is generating, it only makes sense that the gentleman should have his own special court. I propose that all of Justin Bieber’s legal matters be handled by the International Court in the Hague.

    This is a win win situation for justice.  Bieber would not have to travel all over the place to umpteen courts, risking missing some attendances due to overload.  The Court in the Hague on the other hand would for a change have some exciting cases in front of it. I think Justin Bieber matters are a lot more interesting than a squabble between say Canada and Denmark over who has fishing rights within 12 kilometers of Hans Island.

    And during a trial  recess, Justin B can entertain the judges, singing a few favourites.  

    And if Justin Bieber goes to the Hague, how far behind can Toronto Mayor Rob Ford be?

   Please visit www.striglaw.com for more info about my persoanl injury and family law practice.  My client include a variety of characters, other than rock stars, mayors or cows.

 

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January 2014


$83,000.00-No Small Bananas

Jan 26, 2014 10:43 AM
Marcel Strigberger

Darwin, the IKEA monkey case is back in the news again.  Over a year ago Darwin, the pet monkey of Toronto lawyer Yasmin Nakhuda, was apprehended by authorities after she left him in her car at an IKEA parking lot and he exited the vehicle and wandered into the store. She lost her legal battle to get him back from the animal sanctuary where he appears to be living happily ever after.

     To boot the trial judge just ordered her to pay the sanctuary its legal costs in the whopping amount of $83,000.  This of course is in addition to what she has had to pay her own lawyer, which likely matches or exceeds this amount. That's no small bananas.

    My question is, was it worth it?  What can you get for about $165,000.00?

    I would never make it as a contestant on The Price is Right and so I Googled a bit.  I am not far off on these estimates:

    1.  $165,000.00 will get you three fully loaded Lexus ES 350s;

    2.  Or you can purchase a two story house in North Bay.  You can also opt for a one bedroom co-op in Burnaby, British Columbia.. Forget Toronto;   $83,000.00 will buy you only a tool shed.. Some folks though would call this a starter home.

    3  You can almost cover Mayor Rob Ford's annual salary of $172,803.  Then again, I know, who would want to do that? You can also cover the annual salary of the mayor of Montreal at $156,128, (whoever the mayor of the day is). And you can use the $9000.00 change to buy some good furniture at IKEA. If you do that, make sure you do not forget your pet monkey in the car.

    I don't know what the mayor of North Bay gets paid.

    What can't you do for $165,000.00? You cannot get Darwin the monkey back.

    I understand the trial decision is under appeal.  Maybe before this is all over, the dollar figure for legal costs will equal the cost of a decent house one can buy in Toronto.  


    When I do not spend time writing about monkeys, Montreal and mayors, I practice personal injury and family law.  Please also visit my website www.striglaw.com .

  

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The Midwest Book Review has referred to Marcel Strigberger as "an irrepressible humorist with a story teller’s flair for spinning a yarn with true (and hysterically funny) insights into the basics of human nature".

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